Severus Snape A Project for a year
by Velveteenbunny
Summary: This is a story from a girls point of view, she wishes to find the man of her dreams in one year, however she wants a challenge and who dear readers is more challenging than sevi snape, she will make him hers by the end of the year, her seventh year.
1. Default Chapter The plan for the one

Severus Snape a project for a year  
  
Disclaimer.. All characters known and recognised are the works of the mind of J.K.Rowling, as with known magical terms, any unknown folk and terms from the muggle world are either mine or that person described.  
  
This is a story from a girls point of view, in her seventh year at Hogwarts she plans to find a challenging man and turn him into her dream guy and have him fall for her by the end of the year, with many humorous results and phrases please read, review and enjoy!! My precious friends.  
Chapter 1 The Plan for the One.  
  
Why do we constantly put ourselves through this daily torture, wake up, drag ourselves down the stairs to our smoke filled kitchen, my mother has burnt the toast again, the coffee pot is over flowing and my brother screams in my ear after his lost gym socks which have not been washed also again. My father sits holding the paper up to his face generally ignoring the riotous din going on around him, his face a picture of tranquillity as if his mind is off laying on a beach in the Bahamas somewhere while his body rests on the scrubbed pine which is our kitchen table. Perfectly normal a normal Hull family well minus a screaming baby and a bottle blond aunt struggling in with a huge pram lined with tins of beans at 5 pence a can from the local Jacksons. We are lucky there are 7 of them down this street, my aunt has her own home in the west of the city, an old dark tower (well it is tall) with subsidence in the walls. IM sure you with an extremely well trained mind will know that we may not be well what you call normal, and to the extremely nosey old peoples home at the bottom of the street we are 'Extremely odd not like in our day we knew every bodies business up and down the street, we knew when anything happened to old Madge or Janet in the butchers'. They are extremely put out by the fact that they know nothing of what happens in our house and we intend to keep it that way. We are not a typical family; we are completely the opposite especially in our little street we are of the magical nature. We are witches and wizards! My father works in the ministry of magic, he is senior control officer to the managing of overactive magical objects, also known as a party pooper, a fun stopper, the sort of person who rules out jet packed broomsticks due to a few old muggle women (non magic folk) getting hold of them and trying to sweep the floor, but instead of doing so they find themselves hung on to the washing line amongst old bloomers. Swearing that the broom was out of sorts, and not in the mood to sweep which any idiot could see was not the truth when the broom has gone soaring at 50 miles an hour down the street eventually crashing into a trolley at the local superstore. My mother is a teacher at a muggle school, I complete waste of her magical talents in my opinion but she says she "likes the best of both worlds". My brother wants to a be a muggle footballer and play for Watford united, he takes after my mother in a strange way, but he's not to bad all round besides being a bloke.  
  
And me Rebecca Wendell 17 years of age student at the divine school of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and Wizardry, Elton John music lover, book worm and a friend of the school, I love my school every day is an adventure and believe me many have come our way. IM a proud member of the Gryffindor house and a potions lover, makes me wonder if I was put in the correct house, potions appears to be a Slytherin thing, but I don't doubt some higher influence has been put their way by the formidable potions master Professor Severus Snape. All round bad guy and Slytherin lover.  
  
Well as I was asking why do we torture ourselves to look good in such a strange society, the reason Men, Blokes, boys, hehehe. My topic for the year the opposite sex, this year IM going to find a man and keep him, but IM not going to go for a pimp (women chaser and not a one woman man) no nobody easy I want a challenge to make the chase more fun, iv'e always liked dark men and there are plenty of them in the wizarding world.  
  
So here's the plan  
  
1. SELF ASSESMENT.  
  
Upon raiding my wardrobe I find muggle clothing, very nice in the muggle world, completely no use in Hogwarts as IM covered by black robes and wearing a black pointed hat at special occasional dinners which reek havoc with your hair. My wizarding clothes consist of a Lovely black robe, hmm another lovely black robe and what's this another lovely black robe, well it seems as if I own lots of lovely black robes, oh wait I stand corrected a black and green robe, well extremely seductive first stop Diagon Alley and Madame Malkins.  
  
Madame Malkins  
  
Upon arriving at the witches clothing store I find the robes I am wearing are covered in dirt, a hate travelling by floo powder, as soon as I am able to apperate I will do to save some face and the dry cleaning bill. Madame Malkin is a squat little witch, dolled up to the nines in silver jewellery and magenta robes, old fashioned in my opinion but they were probably the height of fashion in her day. I searched the room; there were many different styles and the good old lovely black robe, but nothing of a sexy seductive nature, so I ended up crawling to Madame Malkin for help. Her advice was 'wear a vest'. Well now IM full of thoughts wear a vest. I searched the store again, at the back I came across a small select rack bearing low cut robes in various colours, why had I failed to notice this my first time round, raking through the rack, my searching hand came across a soft robe made of Emerald green silk, not dull but quite a beautiful colour, it was low cut and stylishly shaped. I lifted it into the dressing room and pulled it on over my head. For once my eyes filled with tears, I didn't look bad, I stepped out of the dressing room and Madame Malkin looked at me. "Beautiful lass beautiful" she said in her cockney drawl, I laughed.  
  
Diagon Alley the wizarding worlds shopping mall in one street, people swarmed like flies up and down the cobbled streets conversating loudly with each other over the prices of books and potion ingredients, general gossip floated through the air, One particular rumour which caught my attention was of the supposed return of Gilderoy Lockhart who now called himself Armandi and roamed the streets giving out advice to the general public on how to capture the man of your dreams, it also appeared that Armandi was a gay man who made his living by cross dressing and singing in the pubs, a program of Marilyn Monroe hits accompanied by his dancing monkey, talk about a bad knock on the head, but you don't know what goes on within the 4 walls now do you.  
  
Floreane Fortscues ice cream parlour danced in front of me like a shiny new sickle, but IM watching my weight no one wants a blob in a school uniform, but a small one couldn't hurt. "Rebecca" came a voice from under one of the orange and yellow umbrellas an impression of sun but really just a clash on sensitive sight. Hermione Granger sat underneath the umbrella waving with her friend Ron Weasley. Well boyfriend id bet my last knut on it, like she'd never admit it she knows she likes him, and he likes her, they would never say to each other but its as obvious as an elephant in an elevator, I wish they'd hurry up and admit it. "Hey Rebecca ready for school", Hermione asked ever the enquirer. "Yep can't wait", I replied "and how are you Ronnie babes" "Cool Rebecca, I've spoken to Harry he's. Oh here we go Harry bleeding Potter the great the marvellous, the boy who lived. Humph, its my opinion that the boy who lived did that for a reason to live, yet all he does is run after Dumbledore iv'e yet to see him have fun or chase a girl, if he doesn't he'll be Gilderoy Lockhart's next best mate with no exceptions. We chatted for a while until I had to leave, my train was due and IM not in the mood for using floo powder again not with my new robes.  
  
Upon arriving home I stood in front of my mirror in my new robe On with Phase 2 of my plan for the man of my dreams I have to find him next. 


	2. Men, Make up and Moving trains

Second chapter hope you guys like it so far. onwards we go.  
Chapter 2 Men, Make up and Moving Trains  
  
It is a known fact that one cannot fall in love without someone to fall in love with, also that person must be realistically in your reach, so that's Elton John well gone isn't it. No really I need someone for my project, someone I can really change that will be a challenge to my inner minx and genius. My list stands as thus.  
  
Boys.  
  
Seamus Finnigan- Irish sandy coloured haired boy, my age but funny looking with sticky out ears, from what I have heard he is easy.  
  
Ron Weasley- taken by Hermione well not officially but I try not to mess with Hermione she has a real temper on her at times, I happen to like my face the way it is and I can't afford Plastic Surgery.  
  
Harry Potter- The less said the better.  
  
Dean Thomas- No can do as he supports West Ham and I support Watford F.C.  
  
Draco Malfoy- Has a pug for a girlfriend tells me I am extremely sad, it is not me who carrys a mirror and a pot of hair gel around with me in the pockets of my robes.  
  
Crabbe/Goyle- the dynamic duo, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.. . 10 minutes later Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahah...  
  
Have composed myself with a box of Ribena, My Ribena carton is more dynamic than those two; I think I'll mange without them.  
  
No more boys remotely okay have come to mind so on with the men.  
  
Men.  
  
Wait the only men are teachers, well this will be the shortest list in existence...  
  
Albus Dumbledore... Hmmm at 150 I suggest his stimulation is......ZERO!  
  
Remus Lupin. Okay if you like late afternoon pre evening dates, the poor guys a WereWolf you can't feel to mean towards him but IM not attracted to him or any of them right now I think I'll leave it. PS. Ghosts are not my thing; I've had too many transparent boyfriends, muggle and Wizard.  
  
I find myself abandoning the list of possible projects and leaving the house in need of inspiration. IM in Boots looking at the make up, a girl needs to look her best to impress the man of her dreams, IM prepared to spend any amount of money to get him by my side. Moments later..  
  
£10.50 FOR A MASCARA you must be joking and £4.50 for a lipstick, Stuff this IM off too ASDA (Wal-Mart for you Americans out there) Lipstick there is only £1.50, Mascara £4.50. Naomi Campbell may be able to afford Boot's prices but the rest of us poor folk cannot, IM going to change that when IM older and can do magic outside of school.  
  
School tomorrow, I can't wait, my trunk lays packed, my homework done and every Elton CD I own is packed with my magical CD player, muggle electronics don't work inside of Hogwarts, so I have been ripped off for this one by a surly looking wizard in the Leaky Cauldron, he declared his name was Mr Smith Magical Lekkeeyytronics seller, I believe he was a foreign wizard who had nothing better to do than annoy punters, I think he was Italian as he looked like Al Pachino on a bad day and had a tremendously large bag of spaghetti sauce at his feet. Got my dad to drive me to Kings Cross as I refused point blank to use Floo powder with my trunk, let's just say he wasn't happy and used a lot of unprintable words whilst driving. (London is only 4 measly hours away I don't understand him.) We have reached Kings Cross 6 hours later due to extensive McDonalds stops and the map flying out of the window. My mother and father argued the whole way over the left and right turns to London; it was like being in a car with Saddam Hussain and George Bush worthy of war. Kings cross is incredibly busy, packed with muggles and wizards heading for the Hogwarts express, I don't fail to notice the Malfoys Rolls Royce parked in front of the station, why they think those cars are the height of sophistication is beyond me. It's quite amusing to watch the new first years trying to get onto platform 9 ¾ they all stand slightly bemused in front on the barrier wondering how it works; I strode confidently through watching their shocked faces before being blacked out and emerging on to the platform shadowed by the scarlet steam engine which is the Hogwarts express. Students ran up and down the platform, back and forth from their parents, I had left mine in the car arguing over the way back home. I boarded the train and stared around at the old fashioned upholstery it's probably been here since Dumbledore was a child; it's certainly dusty enough to have been. Sitting in a compartment I watched the bustling platform for project blokes none so far took my notice, I sat back in my seat and closed my eyes, only to be disturbed by Ron, Hermione and to my utter distaste Harry Potter urrgh! "Hi" I said politely "Hey" Hermione and Ron replied. Potter just looked at me I think he thinks IM a bit superficial, but IM a deep intellectual, I just don't show it too often. "Hello Harry", I said smarmily. He nodded at me, sat down and began playing with his wand (not the wand you're thinking you dirty minded reader) his magic wand. Well that's gratitude for you I am distinctly being nice to him but he is ignoring it, he won't get away with it when we get to school. Placing my headphones on I ignored him for the rest of the journey and listened to Philadelphia Freedom blasting in my ears until night fell and we reached school. Embarking onto Hogsmeade platform, I was surprised to see Professor Snape waiting for us. "Hurry up to the school now I don't have all night waiting for you doddering children" he hissed all of the time I could feel his dark eyes piercing mine I was slightly transfixed on how black and deep they seemed, and how his face was white like silk and how his teeth were yellow and his hair greasy. REALITY CHECK here Rebecca your greasy potions master is not in the running league so leave it there so I am, well at least I think I am. On to phase 3 spectating. 


	3. The feast and the First day

Disclaimer remains please read and review  
Chapter 3 The feast and the first day.  
  
When you arrive in my lovely Hogwarts castle you get the feeling of being a princess in the stories read to you as a child where the princess runs from the witch and finds her prince falls in love and lives happily ever after. Well we have the castle part down and the clothing is similar but you're not guaranteed to meet your prince and live happily ever after, but you'll get your fair share of witches and magic. I entered the great hall followed by the other students, the four tables lined to hall. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. The staff table was placed at the head of the hall; Dumbledore's throne as you may put it was seated in the middle whilst the other teacher's seats were sat to his left and right. God knows whether they can see anything which goes on from there but Snape never fails to notice trouble he has ears like a bat and sight like a cat. He has many different animal qualities, his dog breath for one. "Another year has come, many fun days wait for you and many different occasions are planned, these include a Yule ball and a talent show for all you talent filled people out there. But now for the talent we all possess enjoy" Dumbledore announced. With that the tables filled with food, I stared at it not bad tuck in. I find myself at this minute staring around the hall my eyes locking on each person individually, but none caught my attention more than the ugly miser Snape, probably his minging face that is holding my eyes like a small child being told by their mother not to stare at the disabled. He ate carefully watching each piece of food with penetrative interest looking through it as if checking it for safety. IM surprised he's lasted this long without being poisoned. The rest of them at my table had begun to turn my attention away from Snape by discussing anything which came into their minds, nobody ever talked about anything with much seriousness any more. The conversation stood as thus. Football and Quidditch. Shopping. School Muffins Microwaves Microwave muffins And men. Hmm my topic ME: So how's it going on the boyfriend front guys (well I mean girls, but if the boys want to join in it's no skin off my nose) GIRLS: (Long pause...) Ermm not bad. (They chorused) A complete lie in any ones eyes, I know for a fact Hermione's after Ron, Parvati Patil is seeing Seamus Finnigan another reason for me to leave him alone, and I've heard it in the grape vine that somebody in Gryffindor is seeing Sirius Black, yep you read me correctly, Sirius Black is the new arithmacy teacher here at Hogwarts, I never knew he could do arithmacy, I thought maybe someone from our year, but its supposed to be someone younger, Now you see younger is not classed as innocent all of the time. I reached my bed, just after midnight after an extremely long meal, why feasts take so long is beyond me. We discussed fate a slightly warped conversation for meal times but it interested me none the less. People say everything happens for a reason and you can't do anything to change that, and I for one on a serious note am inclined to agree. I think fate controls everything and what happens, happens there is no changing the fact. Pondering this I fell asleep, I must have slept strange because my dreams invaded my head. It was like being in a soap opera all badly acted and melodramatic, hmm a lot like my life.  
  
The dream. I was walking alone along a pier, it was a dark night and the sea crashed against the rocks, there was no sound, the place was empty, like Blackpool when the OAP ballroom dancing sessions are called off and the theatre and theme parks are closed. I was wearing my night gown (as always in these sorts of dreams, funny you never feel the cold), the wind whistled around my ankles, and my hair blew in my face. (Which was quite itchy and irritating)? It seemed as if I was walking for hours but never really going any where, until I saw a black shape watching the water, long black robes billowed around his tall thin frame, and his long pony tailed black hair danced in motion with the wind. I was lost in awe at the beautiful sight in front of my eyes. Then he turned slightly to look at me staring at me with those pensive eyes, and then.......  
  
AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!  
  
I woke up.. SCREAMING!!!!!!!! I was staring into the deep pensive eyes of Severus Snape, which is scary enough, without the fact that I liked it, I liked how he looked and how he looked at me, and now IM sweating, maybe hopefully IM sick, a strange disease making me think these things. I may go and see Madame Pomfrey.  
  
One Hour Later  
  
It appears as if IM perfectly healthy, I think IM going to be sick!  
  
The First Day.  
  
Well good morning all, All is wonderful I have a pounding headache, bed head hair, a stiff neck and I think IM running late for breakfast, (oddly enough IM late since I've been up all night) I dare not go to sleep in case of having any more strange Snape dreams, so I spent the night sat up in bed after coming back from Madame Pomfrey. How can I be late for breakfast when i've been up since 3.00 o clock this morning? (This is probably known to you as Sods Law). But in my new thoughts it has happened for a reason. Pant! Pant! Run, God it's a long way to the great hall in this place. Actually its amazingly quiet for the first morning of school, the common room was empty and so are the corridors, I wonder is there a big sale in Diagon alley nobody has bothered to mention or am I incredibly late, the latter of the two seems the most plausible. Upon reaching the great hall 15 minutes later after ending up at the dungeons twice for some strange reason, awful isn't it that I can't remember the way to the great hall, especially after being here seven years. I find it completely empty well almost (Audience please welcome our star in the making Severus Snape) is sat eating his breakfast alone at the staff table. AH HAH I may have discovered his secret to avoid being poisoned, he stared at me in a strange way and said "Miss Wendell, I believe you to be a person of inept lateness so why are you choosing to eat breakfast at 6.00 am" Well sods law strikes again, it appears as if my cheap magical alarm clock has stopped at 8.00. So as luck would have it I am now eating breakfast in an empty hall with one of the worst teachers at Hogwarts, So no call for small talk or cheers with the breakfast juice then. He just sat and looked at me waiting for a reply so I gave him one "I believe Professor that someone of your stature and intelligence, (of the same level as me) Knows that at 6.00 am there is a certain aura at breakfast a certain Jene Sais Quoi, something quite extraordinary" "And what is that then Miss Wendell" he asked his lip curling (ohh dear) "The bacon is fresher" I replied quite seriously. But I was dying to laugh inside, he didn't seem to think it was funny he just sat looking at me as if I had taken my head off and started polishing it with boot polish. "I do not care for bacon Miss Wendell, so I would therefore be discouraged to know the nature of its freshness" he finished with a look that said don't push it girl or you'll be making friends with the giant squid. I sat down smiling and ignoring him a little trick of aggravation to those already annoyed. I could just see him out of the corner of my eye slurping his corn flakes. I can see him in one of those Kellogg special K adverts.  
  
"I Severus Snape eat Special K to help keep my heart healthy (and cold) for a good source of fibre (as I get constipation) and to help me carry out my hectic life (Evil never rests when there are people to torment). Gradually the hall began to fill up, students and teachers began arriving in dribs and drabs in varying states of tiredness, some I noticed still had their sleep masks on their heads, quite amusing how unaware you are in the morning. I received my time table today stands as thus  
  
9.00am- Herbology (hate hate hate)  
  
11.00am- Divination (a joke)  
  
2.00pm whilst 4.00pm- Please welcome our friend fate as I Have Potions (signal the music).  
  
Great two complete jokes of subjects and a class with Snape (bacon hater), what's next I swear fates giving me a good go this morning, I feel as if I am living a soap opera, being watched by everyone at 7.30pm every day of the week, and giving the world a good laugh at my misfortune, arrghh IM late!  
  
Herbology (late as always) its one of those boring subjects which you don't really need to learn because everything comes ready made nowadays, kind of like if you have to learn to make useless things in woodwork when Ikea do it all for you at discount prices, and all you have to stomach is their Swedish meatballs. So here I am sat here day dreaming whist Madame Sprout prattles on about the usage of red grass supplements, (basically grass juice) frankly my dear reader who cares.....NOT ME! Oh wait I have found a usage it makes brilliant nail polish, well I know where to come when my red runs out.  
  
Divination the art of being able to see into the future and teaching others to do so, mostly it is guessed work and fraud. Professor Trelawney is a joke she is like and over sized grass hopper in glasses all green and twitchy, today was tarot reading, I've been to one of those at the fair she told me to beware of a scar, well Harry Potter scares the life out of me so I guess she was right. Professor Trelawney sat me down in front of her and goggled at me like a goldfish through her glasses, she began placing cards down and breathing heavily ( I wonder if she is asthmatic) she turned over a card and stared at it (probably pondering what rubbish she could tell me)  
  
"Notation my dear, you have music in your future" she breathed Well I never, you would never have guessed it would you, not like she hasn't caught me singing more than enough and told me to shut up plenty of times before. "The ball gown, a dance should be coming your way", DUH! The Yule ball, not like she doesn't know anything about that. I seem to remember her last year getting drunk and dancing to Night fever in an extremely extravagant way. "Finally a dark haired man, a crossing of paths over a cauldron" Oh dear not Snape does she mean Snape what if it is Snape oh God she means Snape, ..............Crap!. I left divination feeling extremely dizzy and daft; I think I may have been hit with a stupid stick when I wasn't looking. The dungeons loomed closer, I feel a bit sick, maybe I shouldn't have eaten those four slices of chocolate cake, but I was upset, IM extremely sensitive to things involving scary men with greasy hair. Oh down the stairs icky icky, through the door, ohh dear to my seat, urrgh I'll just sit quietly here. Snape has come through the door, my stomach is doing somersaults, he is parading round with his robes billowing, and IM staring downwards, I feel his presence above me , I look up, there he is towering over me like an over sized bat, staring at me with those pensive eyes. "Miss Wendell do you have a problem, am I not providing as much entertainment as your lap, or maybe you have something you would like to say to the rest of us" he asked and he really shouldn't have done. "Erm sir", I began but I got no further, it was that very moment, that very second, his face changed into a look of absolute horror, the very moment he became the one I wanted, the one for my project my dream guy, the very minute that I threw up all over his robes in front of the entire class, you see he really shouldn't have asked if I had anything to share, why is my life such a disaster. 


	4. The beginning of it all

Here is chapter 4 guys, thank you lots to all of the people who have reviewed, they are inspiring so Cheers and on with the story.  
Chapter 4 the beginning of things  
  
I keep replaying the whole ugly scene in my mind, him speaking to me, me looking up, half replying then me throwing up all over him, rewind play, pause, rewind, a vicious cycle, IM surprised IM still alive after it, his face was a motive of rage and insanity, he stared at me in pure disgust whilst I just sat there like a plank of wood, finally rising and running out of the room and back to the Gryffindor tower, feeling much better as a matter of fact. Lord knows what he did it's not the end of class yet. The bit that startled me the most wasn't the projectile vomiting but the fact that I have fell in love with Snape, ok IM not surprised there isn't a word for the shock I felt about fancying Snape, but I better come to grips with it if he is to be my project for the year hadn't I.  
  
After class.  
  
Have just found out from Hermione the bad news and some good news. The bad news is that Snape went absolutely berserk, up the wall, over the tree, round the corner and up the road, pure madness. The good (well depends on how you look at it) is that I have detention with him at 7.30pm, sick or not, it may give me a chance to study him in detail whilst doing something which is off the grossness scale. I didn't go to dinner, I couldn't risk eating and throwing up on Snape again, one detention is tolerable, two just a bit much and three is asking for it. 7.20pm has arrived and IM heading down to the dungeons for once I will not be late.....  
  
It is 7.35 and IM late, I got lost again and ended up on the third floor miles away from the dungeon again, really what is my problem do I day dream and end up any where or IM I just slightly absent minded when it comes to directions. I don't know I better run. Run run Pant pant (again) oh there it is the dungeon dark and dismal in appearance from the outside and even worse inside. Woo! Its dark down here, are you scared of the dark. IM not, but IM scared of the Snape. Knock! Knock! Anybody home (hopefully no one is) "Enter" (damn!) "It is me Professor Snape, IM here for my detention" I said He appeared in front of me in his daunting manner, a complete look of revulsion on is face (well what was you expecting a warm welcome) and completely vomit free robes, (so he does own others). I watched as he peered down at me for almost a minute, I stared back into those eyes and felt lost in a dark tunnel. "Miss Wendell", he said. "Yes Professor Tunnel", I replied (whoops wake up) "I mean Professor Snape". He looked even angrier, if I could I would have been running as fast as possible in the opposite direction to Snape's stare, but I felt as if I couldn't move. His face was a contortion of evil (a step up from his usual mean) and he spoke in a dark whisper, I could hardly hear him "Miss Wendell, I have nothing to say about this afternoon except that you should mind what you are doing, I have an extremely special job for you tonight one of great importance" I stood silent like in plank of wood formation again, whilst he smiled slightly evilly.  
  
The Laundry room! Well can you believe it the cheek of some people, I mean I didn't mean to throw up on him but he was in my target range, you would think I have been punished enough by having something strange in me that fancies the weirdo, but having to do a years worth of his washing and ironing, don't you think that's a bit much to ask, oh and I have to do it the muggle way with the washing machine and a normal iron, I suppose IM lucky that the mangle and Hot coal iron have gone out of fashion..  
  
Snape has just appeared holding a hot coal iron and bearing a cheesy smile, I will never speak again.  
  
4 Hours later. IM still here sat on top of the washing machine (No dirty again you, don't think it) it's the only place to sit in here, Snape has an awfully large amount of washing considering he's not supposed to change his clothes or get washed, I'll be here all night especially as it seems to take an hour for that damn iron to heat up enough to make a dent, we really need some downy crease control in here because these robes are awful, I am so sick of watching endless black robes spin around and around and around and around and around..  
  
2 Hours even later. And around and around and around .. The Washing machine is my master, it controls me and WAKE UP its stopped I am free, I think it hypnotised me with its spinning black vortex, yikes washing machines are more powerful than you think. This is so so so .. zzzzzzzzzz.  
  
The next morning.  
  
I was found this morning asleep with my body on the washer and my head on the ironing board, with the iron in my hand which had long since gone cold. I was found by the house elves coming in to do the washing; I was awoken by being poked in the eye and all over my arms by little green fingers attached to their squeaky owners. "Miss must awake it is morning, Miss Miss Wake up, it is time for you to go" they said "Not now dears IM mopping the floor" I replied (still asleep) "No miss you must awake before you is seen" they continued I woke up and stared groggily into the humongous sets of eyeballs goggling at me, each set accompanied by a tiny body with a tea towel in each hand, one of them had dropped the tea tray he was carrying and staring at me in awe, as if he had just seen his favourite celebrity (I look nothing like professor Dumbledore). I thanked them and headed off down the corridor, my hair hanging limp around my face like a rag doll, I have the strength of one I think, and oh brilliant here comes the man of the moment Professor Snape, great now he'll get me done for stalking, I'll never impress him looking like I've just come off the washing line in the rain , i.e. Soggy and limp, I skulked on not looking at him, whilst he floated along looking quite jovial for the first time ever, great he may think it was funny, I certainly did not. So the scores stand thus Snape 1 Me 1. People say that love= hate and hate= love, it appears that at this very moment in time the analogy stands as Hate=Hate for Snape, its going to take a lot more than a few flirtatious glances and a short skirt to pull this one, practically the opposite he may prefer the baggiest and longest robes and may include them as a turn on, I will have to try it, it seems as if Snape answers to reverse Psychology, that will be the next part of my plan to be put into motion, see you then. 


	5. The many faces of me!

Chapter 5, the many faces of me!  
  
Now onward we go with the master (Mistress) stage of my plan, well one of them there are many more to come I assure you, unless Snape is a complete push over when it comes to women... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, YEAH RIGHT!  
  
A tiny invention I am going to use may be one you have heard of, called clothing/fashion, the ability to dress in a manner in which you wish to please either someone else or your self. Now you and I both know Snapes er hem! (clears throat) sense of dress, which is reminiscent of the 1900's and consists of an assembly of. well. erm. a black robe hmm.maybe he would like my wardrobe. I need a style (Woah wait I do have style), but I need to experiment with some other sophisticated and unsophisticated styles of the world, ( this is the genius bit) I then therefore find out which style Snape prefers and I can adapt to suit that style and will be on my way to making him mine, watch my luck I bet he likes the more natural look to a woman, (I REFUSE TO DO THAT).  
  
The First style- Baggy clothes (i.e. He was a skater boy) I have adapted to look like a skater, baggy trousers a baseball cap turned backwards, a tie hanging loosely around my neck and a string vest. I have extremely dark eye make up and am carrying a skate board (as I have not mastered the basics of staying on the board). I really don't know how im going to get away with this, but I have never heard of any punishment being given to people who break the 'Dress code'. Upon walking into breakfast, I had every eye in the place on me, except Snapes who appeared to be enjoying a rather fine looking kipper, I don't even have him for potions today so I cannot force him to look at me, or even make a comment. Professor McGonnagal, after viewing my outfit and giving me a good look over suggested I go see Madame Pomfrey, with my ailments...... (what ailments?)  
  
I am now back in my dormitory considering another style.. punk?  
  
Great I look like a rainbow, my style of pointed purple hair, rainbow clothes, hobnail boots and a giant silver ring through my nose makes me look like something from the seventies heavy metal, rocking. My venture this far got me no further than out of the common room, the fat lady portrait began screaming when she saw me, she thought I was a mad man, some how the mad man look doesn't seem to appeal to anyone including me.  
  
My third style 18th century big wig look.  
  
It is exactly that, I have a huge wig, all white curls, a long dress of pink silk and pink cheeks, I look like I would have fitted in at Elton John's 50th birthday party, all big wigs, however I can move without the aid of a furniture truck and greek helpers in togas. God it's awkward trying to walk in this wig and gown, but it has to be done, (whoops it appears as if I have missed morning classes) oh well I'll say I was at the hospital wing. It is lunch time already; I'll go and make an impression.  
  
Entering the great hall again to the silent reception again, I don't think people have quite gotten over my first appearance this morning as a Avril Lavigne lookalike, staring at me like IM demented, IM only taking off the Georgians, actually Snape is looking, he has a look on his face which either says (as IM not sure)  
  
You are a sexy little vixen in your little (well long) pink gown and your extremely large wig, you really turn me on....  
  
Or.  
  
You weirdo, what do you think you are doing I would not touch you dressed like that with a 10 foot wand with a dragon on the end.  
  
I reckon the second one what about you?  
  
On to my last resort, I don't believe Snape has responded to any of my outfits and I'll be damned if I have to try any more of the extravagant styles, so im going to try a muggle one which has won prizes, the simply as low and as short as possible style, the just crawled out of bed and just forgot to put anything suitably covering on. Out comes my shortest skirt and lowest top.  
  
The next day.  
  
Up at 6.00 am, got a shower, can't be doing to smell like a barn, dried hair, as a cold often offends, styled hair in large curls (not El Vira or Vera Lynn I assure you) but curly enough, equipped with my short black mini skirt, and low cut red vest top, silk and tight I assure you again, and a pair of knee length boots, now I know I may look like something which has stepped out of 21st Century Moulin Rouge, but I assure you this does mostly work, if it does not then I think your fella may be on the other bus, unless he likes dull and boring. Stepping down the stairs from the dormitories, I got many looks from the boys of Gryffindor and many many nasty jealous looks from the girls, girls are the worst at times, they needn't worry im not after their blokes, Christ I don't think I have any competition besides Snapes stubbornness.  
  
Walking along the corridor, hm hm lala la la (cast a nasty look) lalala, (hair flick), do be do (hitch skirt up) hehe lolo la (pull top down) Oh little Jeanie (drop wand oops how impossible) IM so in love with (bend over pick up wand) you (turn to have a whole corridor staring at me), YES! RESULT! Onwards to breakfast.  
  
Great hall doors open, (cast a modelling smile) walk in (swishing hips) hehehe (evil laugh) amazing how much respect a short skirt commands, Give a Gryffindor lad a smile, he falls over moving so I can sit down and lands with his face in the porridge Oh dear ! (Hahahahhaha) cast a glance around the hall and find to my dismay Snape is no where to be seen, well what a God damn waste of time. Well never mind I have potions in a couple of hours.  
  
In a couple of hours.  
  
Okay remind me never to wear a short skirt to Professor Binn's class again, if he wasn't dead I fear he may have had a heart attack and died, he looked ready to, he gave me a lecture, on how he never dressed like that in his days.. I should hope not!  
  
Potions now I can feel the excitement coursing through my veins like a giant stampede of cows, or could it just be Malfoys girlfriend clattering around my blood stream, Down the stairs cockling around in my boots (Don't fall) through the door and to my seat (Phew did not fall) Extraordinarily lucky for me, sit down and skirt goes up, a lad accidentally on purpose drops a piece of parchment conveniently under my desk and has to retrieve it, icky pervert! Can't a girl flaunt herself without getting perved on.. the answer my dear women of the world is NO!  
  
Sit further on my seat and wait for Snape to come in. here he is in his usual Arnie Schwarzenegger way (not!), he begins his ramblings without looking my way, he writes the work, without looking at me, he explains the potion without looking at me, he picks up the potions bottle and ............... Sees Me! (yippee)..... wait he has dropped the bottle and the room is filling with smoke, damn!  
  
Outside the green smoke filled class room.  
  
I have a cough now and Snape is a gibbering wreak, he just looks at me then looks for his bottle, he doesn't seem to realise that he has dropped it or the fact that he is outside of the dungeon and. oh great he has fainted, I have broken the man of my dreams by my own provocative method, I'd best get Madame Pomfrey I don't reckon anyone else will bother, if I don't my fun ends here.  
  
Gryffindor tower, 30 minutes later.  
  
Have had news from Madame Pomfrey, Snape is recovering well and can speak again and he wishes to see me, oh no this cannot be good. Upon walking into the dungeon (smoke free) I find Snape sat at his desk, staring aimlessly at the back wall, as if it were so appetising dessert, great what have I done? "Professor, you wished to see me", I said looking him up and down whilst he turned to me. "Miss Wendell", he said "I would just like to say" (at this point he winced) "Thank you for going to get Madame Pomfrey" WOAH is he thanking me, maybe I have turned his mind funny oh God what I have done. "Sir I" I began but I got no further. he was coming very close to me and my face (oh God) "That outfit Miss Wendell" he said I could feel his breath on my face, his lips so close.  
"NEVER WEAR IT AGAIN!" he shouted I must have jumped a mile in the air, completely lost of his trance, gathering myself I did a runner as fast as I could from the room, finally collapsing on a staircase.  
  
Wow!!!!!! 


	6. Evasion

Chapter 6, Evasion!  
  
Don't you just hate it when you think you have every thing under control, and every thing appears to be going in the ok! Direction, when something else gets thrown your way, a interference a 'fly in the ointment' if you like, well now I have one which may ruin my plans altogether. Her name is Emily Tudor and she is my best friend, however to influencing for her own good, she usually talks me out of all of these things which I insist upon doing, and now that I feel I am so close to winning my target, she may step in and put a stop to it. No I don't think so; you don't walk into Hogwarts 2 months after school started from travelling around the world and start changing people's lives. IM most certain she will object to my going after Snape "He is too old, too wrinkly, he's a granddad you are sick blah blah blah! I could go on, aren't friends annoying at times. So here we are after two months of things going acceptably well for me, then I get intrusion, well I will not be tolerating it, I will evade her I must reach my target (rubs hands together insanely) hahaahaha!!  
  
I have been researching evasion tactics from such informative novels (well movies) as Mission Impossible and Charlie's angels. It all revolves around karate and the aid of technical equipment, (which we know is slightly limited around here). So it looks as if IM down to the simpleton's method of evasion.. Excuses!  
  
Excuses, the aid of excusing oneself out of the aid of lies or stories, IM going to have to use them because she is like a clock watching and timing me all of the time, there is no way of slipping away from her now she is back.  
  
6.00am!  
  
I am doing an early bird special and getting up bright and early to avoid the crowds and get the fresher bacon and stuff. ok IM escaping her, get up early go down the stairs and look for Snape that is my plan. WOAH! I have just opened my red velvet curtains to see Emily stood waiting on the other side of them. "Where are you going", she asked annoyingly "Erm, oh erm", I began. "Its 6.00am", she said "and I notice your fully dressed (robes today). "IM going to watch the sun rise, it is such a lovely sight and all that, very educational, extremely fun and erm. I tailed of lamely. "Ok I'll come with you" she said. Surprisingly enough she had bought it. actually I have only just noticed that she also is fully dressed. "Why are you dressed" I asked. "I have been to see my dear sweet clover in the owlery" she replied. Ah so there was your answer she had been to see that revolting Yugoslavian owl, its about 3 foot tall, all black and grey, has red eyes and a scornful expression, she thinks it is the cutest thing that ever lived, a vicious panther is cuter and probably easier to touch. Great good for you I said quickly and rose from the comfort of my bed, so much for my early start and my escape to freedom. "What are you up to" she asked suspiciously "I can read you like a book" Damn she is right she can. We left for breakfast her hot at my heals like my Labrador pup, you never know she might be my slave if I ask her too though I doubt she will fetch a stick.  
  
9.00pm,  
  
IM in bed I cannot stand being hawked by Emily as she sits and pretends to read, but really she is watching me, I tried to leave to go to toilet twice and she kept following me, so there is going to be no chance of escaping her to learn about how to pull the man of your dreams and learn his likes wants and dreams in life if you are being watched like a piece of meat by a hungry vagrant in a baggage car. Tomorrow will be different, I promise you tomorrow.  
  
The next night 9.00pm  
  
Can you guess where I am it rhymes with doing in my head Yeah that's right bed again, she vulture me for an entire day, I couldn't even go get a book alone, tomorrow will change I will stop her.  
  
A week later 9.00pm.  
  
I am one incredibly refreshed person, but IM missing out on all the fun hiding from her, I even missed Dean Thomas, stuff an entire packet of peanuts up his nose, I mean how I can keep missing such entertainment. I know I have said this for the last week but tomorrow will be different.  
  
5.00am Peering around my curtains, I find her asleep with her trousers half on and her hair all over her face. Ha got too much for you Emily has it, right it's Saturday, IM off to the library to research..something anything.  
  
Library 6.00am  
  
Madame Pince is not happy, she came to the library door with hair rollers in complaining of her lack of sleep, she claims if she doesn't get 15 hours sleep, she cannot function. that may be the reason she is not married. or has any fun, and why she does not drink, wow how vigorating please let me swap lives..... As if! IM looking through many books, but all they seem to include oddly enough is education, nothing quite what IM after, I want control, but nothing illegal, IM not using Imperious no matter how desperate I get.  
  
The restricted Section  
  
Its incredibly dark down here, to be honest its quite creepy, it makes me jumpy, the only reason IM down here is because Madame Pince got a roller stuck in her robe and had to go remove it before she got a neck ricket.. Caterpillars, catapults communists, Control! This is what I need.  
  
Upon reading the book, I am a cheesy person; it is perfect brilliant IM having it.  
  
Walking along the corridor, reading my book.hm hm lala woah where I am, I think IM lost again! This corridor is incredibly dark and there is only one door to try.great it is locked well IM not going back .ALOHOMORA! I have come across a well decorated room, beautiful curtains, leather sofas and lovely carved furniture, Where am I it is gorgeous, I come across, a different door, a silver bathroom, an American style diner look and. oh look designer shampoo, like what the stars use oh Versace soap wow! Whose room is this? I walked back into the bedroom/ living room and looked at a hand carved dark wood wardrobe, it is huge imagine what I .. Oh dear someone's coming damn quick hide, I jumped in the wardrobe leaving a tiny crack to look through, I found myself staring at the form of..........Severus Snape entering his rooms OH God OH God OH Goddy Goddy God, how will I escape oh no what am I going to. oh my God he is getting undressed, pulling of his robes like the full Monty Whoa, of comes the shirt and the trousers oh. hehe he has Snake underwear! Here come the undies and. KNOCK! KNOCK! Damn! Snape zapped on some robes and answered to Dumbledore, it appeared important, Snape left in a swift way, leaving me safe but still incredibly disappointed more than you know, I'll know what I'll be dreaming about tonight hehehehehehehe!  
  
Woweee!!!!!!! 


	7. The talent Contest

This chapter is one with a song piece in it do the dance and sing if you own the song, don't go breaking my heart, Snape's part is in normal type, Rebecca's is in italic, Sorry for the delay I have been on work experience and was to tired to do anything. PS IM going to see the legend Elton John myself I can't wait!  
  
Chapter 7 The Talent Contest  
  
I woke up this morning to find my dormitory completely void of folk, oh not again not that damn cheap alarm clock, IM chucking it I swear and finding something decent. I roll over to find the alarm clock in complete and perfect working order, in fact it is only 7.00am, weird so where is everyone. I notice that all of .their pyjamas and nightgowns are all hung neatly up in the ward robe, unlike mine which are wrapped around me making me feel like an Egyptian mummy in a Sarcophagus. Pulling on my Mr Men dressing gown on over my bedclothes I dragged my corpse like body down the stairs and into the common room to find it flooded with people, all fully dressed and ready for the day. Oh dear it didn't take them long to notice me. Wolf Whistles and shouts of delight came my way along with a few 'Morning Sexy' and 'Ann Summers wear has got nothing on that dressing gown' remarks Bugger! I ran back up to my dormitory, red faced, my life is a facsimile of sham, a constant joke to everyone but me who is stuck with it. Now where are my robes?  
  
Upon dressing in suitable attire and leaving the dormitory, I now find the common room empty 'What's going on around here' do you ever get the feeling your just lagging that bit behind at times. ooh what's that, a piece of gold paper lay upon the table glistening in an appealing way. I picked it up and squinted at the shimmering words, it read.  
  
Talent Show Friday November 5th 7.00PM start All Welcome Originality required No Dancing monkeys will be admitted into the show as it is not original.  
  
Ha-ha Lockhart/Armandi (whatever) The fifth of November, that's a week away, well just FYI us in plenty of time why don't you, didn't give us folk who have to develop talents in a week. I.E. ME! Today is Saturday and strangely enough, I am not plagued by my mother Wannabe Emily Tudor, I am however plagued with the thought of Snape, Where is he? What is he doing? Why hasn't he spoken to me? Answers to this probably are. In his room Washing his hair with expensive shampoo And he probably thinks IM insane.... I probably am  
  
Now about this talent competition, what shall I do.?  
  
Dance? Wait the last time I danced, I ended up knocking an entire rack of plates down whilst dancing to the Jackson Five in B&Q.  
  
Spells? Nah! Not original enough, besides I never know what I might do.  
  
Pull a rabbit out of a hat? Erm, I think I am allergic to rabbits and IM not pulling that owl/panther thing of Emily's out of a hat.  
  
What was it that Sir Alex Ferguson the great and grey said to Mank United, he said Play to your strengths. Easy for him to say, all he ever did was sit at the side of the football pitch swinging his legs and shouting. 'Get it boys', 'Go for it boys' 'Hard on boys', like some demented leprechaun of merry old England. So what do I like doing the most? Singing. Who's my favourite singer? Elton John no question. What's my song? Don't go breaking my heart. That's it, cracked it, hit the steak on the head, I'll sing don't go breaking my heart by Elton John Perfect! Wait. that song is a duet, I will need a willing volunteer, or maybe not willing or a volunteer, hehehe I have a plan!  
  
Stage one of the plan within a plan to quote Will Shakespeare.  
  
Learn how to sing, and who sings don't go breaking my heart better than the man himself yes Sir Elton Hercules John. I need him, and all I need is a simple apparition spell oh this should be fun.  
  
Empty Dormitory 7.00pm  
  
Ready folks engage action sequence one, ACCIO ELTON JOHN! Hahahahahahaaha, and appearing in front of me is the man himself, his outfit a glimmer of glittering blue sequins, Versace and shining blue Versace glasses, his hair gel styled and face a look of confusion, I couldn't get over it. how funny is it to see your favourite pop star in front of you sat looking confused and lost. "Where am I" he asked "Errm" quick thinking. "It's a day dream, you are not really here, and you are at the MTV awards asleep you know how much you hate them" I announced. Actually strangely enough he seems pretty ok with that, he just sat looking at my hair, I felt it and it appeared to be sticking up, oops I flattened it, damn here we go again. After a while he asked "What do you want?" Ah now here we go IM gonna ask him right ok breath right. "Elton I need your help" "will you teach me to sing don't go breaking my heart as a duet for the school talent show, I must win it Elton please help me" I begged. He looked at me for a second and smiled his cheesy grin I had grown to love over the years. "I will help you Miss?" he asked "Wendell, Rebecca Wendell, huge fan" I replied all smiles. "To work then Miss Wendell" he said removing his glasses and wiping them, "I need a piano though". No problem for me a tiny piano, I mean I just conjured Elton John, okay one Yamaha Piano coming up.. ACCIO YAMAHA!...  
  
Five minutes later.  
  
I reckon I should have been more specific, Yamaha has come up with a Yamaha guitar, a Yamaha keyboard, a Yamaha drum kit, a Yamaha tambourine (didn't know there was one) but no Yamaha piano, Elton is watching me in awe, he appears to have stopped filing his nails to watch my mistake, right I'll try again ACCIO YAMAHA PIANO!...... this time it worked, wow what a piano, its shiny black and a grand one, Elton seems impressed and begins to sit and play, it think it is three blind mice, well I never. of all songs. Here we go then!  
  
Don't go breaking my heart- Elton  
  
I couldn't if I Stop! Shouted Elton, what, I thought I was good, obviously not.  
  
"Your tone is all wrong it is too high go down an octave and  
  
Don't go breaking my heart- Elton  
  
I couldn't if I trie. I didn't get much further, he was at it again  
  
"No! I didn't let Kiki Dee get away with singing like that, and she took a lot of work, sing lightly don't try to hard, let it flow, if you want to win you need to think like a genuine winner"  
  
Again 2 3 4  
  
Don't go breaking my heart- Elton ..................  
  
4 hours later. I am a rocking singer, I am pure brilliance, step back, Gloria Gaynor, Whitney Houston and anybody else especially those recent manufactured bands there's a new singer in town. I have sent Elton back, to his massive mansion, he'll need more than one £1000 shopping trip to recover from teaching me, I think I was hard work, but it came to me in the end, however before he left he gave me his glasses to remember him by and to wear for the show, sweet isn't he!.  
  
Next stage. Practising my spell.  
  
Next my spell, for my spell to work properly I need a victim, who can I pick.hehehe wait maybe I'll kill two Yugoslavian owls with one stone. We have a spell which needs practising and one extremely annoying friend which needs to be disposed of in one way or another, so to business.....  
  
Dormitory.  
  
IM waiting for her she shouldn't be long she follows me everywhere anyway.... success, she has just walked through the door, a look of esteem on her face what's all that about, oh well won't be for long.  
  
HEY! EMILY! SIFRONIUS!................IMENNTUS! Emily stopped dead in her tracks and stood completely still, a glazed look had come over her eyes her mouth hung open (catching flies Em), she stood completely motionless. "Emily, Em can you hear me" I asked. "Yes Master", came her reply. Wow what a result, a complete zombie, Frankenstein, a Mr Hyde, she is like Renfield to my Dracula, an Igor to My Doctor, A Michael Jackson to my cosmetic surgery, a complete slave, well I hope so. a test I think. "Emily sit down" She did, cool "Emily stand up and sit down again" She did so. Emily (evil grin) lick my shoes! Hahahahaaha spit and polish! Emily kiss........... Professor Dumbledore!... hey she's off, come on readers. Hahaha following my creation, walking along the corridor ignoring everyone who is speaking to her, staring straight ahead, making her way to the great hall, wait here he comes oh God... Emily walks up to Dumbledore and stops him. "Hello Miss Tudor what can I do for you" Dumbledore asks all smiles. Emily stares at him in a demented way..without warning she has just jumped up and just given Dumbledore a huge Smacker on the lips, I can't contain myself.any. haha longer..hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah Oh god oh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, never gonna hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha oh oh IM okay okay.hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Haha.hah.ahaha.ha.  
  
Okay done, just had glass of water and a bar of chocolate am ok now, oh his face, oh the look, a look of complete shock, if I was him I wouldn't know how to react, he just said "Okay go have a lie down miss Tudor I think you may be ill" before walking off not looking where he was going and bumping into suits of armour which argue back in annoyance, things that do not penetrate Dumbledore's state as he heads for his office.  
  
IM now back in the Gryffindor common room sitting resting my aching ribs from laughing, Emily is just looking at me, I wonder how long this is going to last.IM worried.it won't last long enough.  
  
6.00PM Action Stations everyone  
  
The talent contest is in an hour, I can't turn back now, and I have come so far, I mean I have learnt to sing, cast a difficult spell and ACCIO Elton John and other large pieces of Musical equipment, don't get scared now. I head along the darkened corridors, twisting and turning, back to the corridor I stumbled upon when I became (as a reviewer put it) a peeping Tomarina. By now you have probably guessed what I am up to if not, here it is I plan to make Snape an Elton John to my Kiki Dee, with that one spell, the hard bit is getting it on him.  
  
Snapes Quarters. The dark mahogany wood door stands in front of my shaking form, I have just witness Snape go in, and the trouble will all be worth it in the end.I hope. ALOHOMORA! I whisper, the door opens silently, I see Snape sitting at a dark desk at the other side of the room his back to me poring over some documents. Tiptoeing up behind him I raise my wand. BANG! The door slams behind me, Snape swings round in a state of guilty alarm..ITS NOW OR NEVER... SIFRONIUS.IMENNTUS, I roar, a blinding flash of light and Snape sits zombie Nation style at my feet. "Severus" I ask "Yes master" he replies in the same way as Emily (but obviously in a high squeaky girl's voice, his own not like Emily). OH God Oh God I just put a teacher under a control spell. "Stand" I say my voice quaking slightly. He did so and stood completely stationary. Wow Professor Snape under my control, I could do anything with him, many things that are unmentionable in polite society but it would be false, soz to disappoint everybody, but I want the real thing, not a robot doing things their body is not doing freely. "Severus" I say "Listen, tonight you are performing on stage in the school talent show, we are dueting and we must win, We are singing don't go breaking my heart and you are Elton John I am Kiki Dee ok, you must play the piano and sing, do you understand me" "Yes master, I am Elton John I must sing and play the piano, to Don't go breaking my heart and must win" he replied monotonously. "With enthusiasm" I added. "With Enthusiasm" he repeated still a robot; hope his performance isn't as bad as his speech. "Severus go and put these on" I said holding up his costume. He just stood still, weird huh, is the spell going already. "Severus" No response "Elton" I tried "Yes Master" he answered. Great he thinks he really is Elton John and appears to only answer to Elton brill fan bloody tastic. "Elton" I said patiently "go and put these clothes on and I will meet you here in 30 minutes. He walked away slowly "And Elton, remove your old clothes first" "Yes master Kiki" Lucky he appears to think I am Kiki Dee good one, I may get away with this.  
  
30 minutes later, 30 minutes to go. Have arrived in Severus/Elton's room to find him completely dressed in his costume, with matching glasses where did he get those from, also he has an earring this is a bit odd, I think he has taken to being Elton a bit seriously, I hope he doesn't go any further or I will have lost my bloke to well Blokes!. I have taken to having long red curls, a nineteen 50's dress and long socks; I look like something out of grease but not to how Snape looks in Bright Pink Versace, a jacket in pink, with glittering black patterns and black trousers adoring a pink stripe, and bright pink circular glasses with silver rims. "Come Elton" I said linking my arm with his both or faces a picture of idiot grins as we head for the hall.  
  
The Great Hall. It is a picture of red velvet, it reminds me of the Oscars I have seen on Television all glamour and glittering champagne. I have left Severus sat in a corner alone, hopefully no one will recognise him until necessary, a few girls have tried to chat him up but he answers to no one but. Haha!  
  
On stage first the incredible Zabini Blaise and her dancing Kangaroo; you have got to be kidding me. No obviously not as she has just stepped on stage with a kangaroo. The music to Skippy the bush Kangaroo has just been struck up by the ghost band at the other end of the stage.hahaha, Skippy appears not to want to do anything, he just sits there I have a excellent chance if all the acts are this terrible, hahaha, Zabini has just been laughed off stage, oh well whose next. Parvati and Padma Patil a double act, they are singing Sisters from White Christmas, how soppy can you get, they have obviously been watching that movie to much as they are both dressed in blue feather dresses and have dyed their hair blond..Oh whoops Parvati has tripped over her feather boa. Aww! Big shame that will damage their result. Next Armandi and his Dancing 'Onkey (what in gods knickers is an Onkey) actually it appears he has a monkey, (which as I remember are banned). "OFF OFF GET OFF YOU SUCK" I didn't need to say anything the audience have said it for me, poor Gilderoy. Next, the spice girls oh how out of date can you get, can you hear them; I think it is the HufflePuffs they always have been quite simple. If u wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. Urrgghhh!! Hate yucky succky, they better not win or I may have to take more violent action against them. Last person then it is me and Severus, I position him at the side of the stage and watch the tap dancing on roller-skates end its dreadful performance.  
  
Next up Rebecca Wendell and Severus Snape as Elton and Kiki singing Don't go Breaking my heart. The announcement sounded and we stepped onto the stage, the room was filled with people, teachers at the front judging I happened to notice Dumbledore was not one of them, probably still in a state of shock, or hiding from us pupils he may fear seeing Emily he needn't worry she is washing all of my clothes, in the same laundry room I used. The lights circled to a spot light, resting on both of us, Snape sat at the shiny black Yamaha piano waiting for him, with a microphone attached. I picked up mine and stood ready as the start up music began. Snape began to play, as good as the legend himself, he would have been proud, especially of those specs.  
  
Don't go breaking my heart (head shake)  
  
I couldn't if I tried, (spin)  
  
Oh honey if I get restless (shuffle shimmy)  
  
Baby you're not that kind (points)  
  
So don't go breaking my heart  
  
You take the weight of a me (hand point)  
  
Oh honey when I knocked on your door (knocks in air)  
  
Ohh I gave you my key (gesture)  
  
WOOOOOHOOO! Nobody knows it  
  
When I was down (downward point)  
  
I was your clown (slide)  
  
WOOOOHOOO Nobody knows it  
  
Right from the start (gun sound)  
  
I gave you my heart (gives heart)  
  
Oooooooohhhhhh I gave my heart.  
  
So don't go breaking my heart  
  
I won't go breaking your heart (no no signal)  
  
Don't go breaking my heart  
  
OH Elton no Don't go breaking my heart  
  
And nobody told us  
  
Cos nobody showed us (gesture to audience)  
  
Now its up to us baby (offers hand)  
  
Oh I think we can make it (sits on piano provocatively)  
  
So don't miss understand me (shakes head)  
  
You put the light in my life (lights flash)  
  
Oh you put the spark to the flame (flash of flames from piano)  
  
I got your heart in my sights (lifts binoculars)  
  
WOOOHOO Nobody knows it  
  
When I was down (downward point)  
  
I was your clown (slide, stupid smile)  
  
WOOOOHOO Nobody knows it  
  
Right from the start (gun sound)  
  
I gave you my heart (gives heart)  
  
WOAH I gave you my heart!  
  
So don't go breaking my heart  
  
I won't go breaking your heart (jump no no sign) Oh Kiki no Don't go breaking my heart  
  
Instrumental section, I dance madly Snape comes off piano and joins me in a dance routine Lift hands, twirl, shimmy left, shimmy right, float hands, left, right, jump and push hands from chest (giving heart)  
  
WOOOHOO Nobody knows it  
  
When I was down (downward hand point)  
  
I was your clown (star jump)  
  
Right from the start (gun)  
  
I gave you my heart (gives heart)  
  
So don't go breaking my heart  
  
I won't go breaking your heart  
  
Oh Elton/ Kiki No  
  
DON'T GO BREAKING MY HEART  
  
Big finish in spotlight, Snape comes off piano again and I jump into his arms, the end. We finish to standing applause and laughter; it's like a scene from a movie everything seems to be going right at last, this could be the start of a changed life (big smiles and bows)  
  
End of chapter 7 onward we go! 


	8. The aftermath

Chapter 8 the aftermath  
  
The lights went up around us, its an amazing feeling just getting up there and doing it, but it was over as quick as it had started, it was an exhilarating feeling, all life and energy, oh and I'd like to thank God and the academy for giving me this award... Wait I haven't won yet, got lost in my spur of the moment Oscar acceptance speech. Oh my mother would be proud, she likes singing and... "Where am I, what's going on here", came a voice Altogether now BUGGER! Snape has come round. "Miss Wendell" he hissed Oh lord im in for it now, he's going to kill me, baste me, barbeque me and eat me, in one go, hope I taste nice. He began to advance towards me but then stopped and looked around and appeared to notice an entire audience of people watching him and laughing. Someone decided to wittily remark... "Is it Elton?" "Is it George Michael?" "Is it Stephen Fry?" "No its Severus Snape" He turned to look at the audience, the giggling pupils and teachers, then he looked at me, studying me up and down, then he looked himself up and down shaking his head, he removed his glasses and looked at his outfit, then at me, then the audience, then himself , then the audience, then me. I just stared back at him, his normal sallow skin turned a deep green I thought he was going to be sick, oh is he will he.......He has fainted Slowly the laughter quieted and people stood up for a good look, I was inclined to let them due to his previous unappreciative behaviour regarding the singing and dancing, I mean he was so begging for it. "I'll sort him" I shouted at the stationary silent audience, nobody moved. "Just stay there nobody need move" nobody did any way, nobody appeared to care as before, maybe Snape really is more unpopular than I realised, I mean even the teachers don't give a flying monkey about him. I better get him moved  
  
Dragging Snape down the corridor to his room HUH! Woo! oh God Pant pant, my God he weighs a ton considering he looks thin and hardly eats anything, hey there's Emily still cleaning the same suit of Armour, which is smiling in a disgusting way, God even Male suits of armour are dirty, and I don't mean the sort than can be cleaned by polish.  
  
Snape's room I have dragged him through the door, and pushed him onto his bed, wanting to follow him but I restrained myself with a lot of vigour. I stepped back and looked at him, he just lay there totally still, jeez I hope he hasn't died... no he's breathing, I think I will have a look around just whilst im here I need to learn where things are. I have looked at his big bed, (got many ideas) looked at his writing desk nice, I am looking under his bed...hmm what's this.............. URRGGHH! Minging, gross, disgusting ickky ickky goggles... I have just found Snape's dirty magazines with women in them...urgh! Witchy Women and Quidditch babe's burgh! I have thrown the magazines in the bin, he is not keeping those, he won't know where they have gone and will be too embarrassed to ask me so HA! . Dormitory (mine not Snape's) I have just come back from the hospital wing after informing Madame Pomfrey about Snape, she already knew but couldn't face him in case she upset him by laughter, she said she enjoyed our performance made her relive her youth, im glad she got to grow old, after that stunt I pulled I don't reckon I will do. I have put my pyjamas on and have gotten into bed; iv'e had enough for today..............zzzzzzzzzz..................... "WAKE UP REBECCA" I jumped a mile and a half in the air and clung to my sheets Wozzat! I shouted, rolled over and fell out of bed into a heap on the floor. I sat up pulling my hair from my face I looked up into the face of Hermione. "What im trying to dance with Bela Lucosi" I replied half awake, a quarter still dreaming and a quarter asleep. "Quick they want you in the great hall" she continued "Why, I only perform once a night unless it's somebody special hehehehhehe" I said. "No you mucky one, I think they are announcing the winners" she replied "Why do I have to go I won't have won" I moaned "Still you have to go all contestants have too and" "Alright I'll go" I said cutting her off I got up and started walking leaving Hermione watching me "But Rebecca" she started "Yeah I know, say thank you if I win" I said "No I mean you are" she tried "Yeah I know im great" I finished "Erm Rebecca" she tailed off lamely as I shouted "BYE HERM"  
  
Wandering down the corridor watching no one go by, smile at the portraits who are staring at me, bouncing along noticing no one, smiling like a loon with my eyes half open, pass Dumbledore wandering in the other direction gibbering to himself, I think I have sent him off the deep end. Down the marble staircase, wow Emily appears to have finally vacated that suit of armour, I notice it seems surprisingly lifeless since she left it. I wonder where she has gone now, her spell has lasted a lot longer than Snape's. Entering the laughter filled great hall to have the place go silent on me, I must still have that show stopping appearance, I walked to the back and say down staring around the room. At the front were the teachers, behind them the pupils, then the contestants then me, im a row on my own. The hall quieted as the announcers voice came from........well....erm.... some where.  
  
"In third place, the Huffle Puff Spice girls" shouted the announcer. The giggling gaggle ran onto the stage and picked up their medal, how sad is that. "In second place, Beefy the ghost with his marvellous tricks of the ghostly trade" Ha are you having a laugh how sad do you get a ghost in a talent contest, ha how sad sad saddy sad sad, how can any one like him. Beefy came up in his orange baseball cap, a girl clinging to his arm, who looked remarkably like Emily. "And in first place, an unlikely duo, a strange pair, a legend then and now (won't be me) REBECCA WENDELL AND SEVERUS SNAPE See I said it wouldn't be me, I never win I always lose I...... woooo!! I won I won I am so great hahahaha woo whoa wow. Everything felt slow as I floated on wings of little Snape's towards the stage. "Thank you, you love me, you really love me. I'd like to thank God and the Academy, and every one who helped me, Elton I share this with you, oh wow, thank you to the organisers of this, and those who inspired the organisers, and those who made the organisers and inspirers and whoever made the world and whoever made whoever made the world and................ 1 Hour later And all the insects who inspired the colour scheme and everybody just thank you. I stepped off the stage to large applause I think it was relief that I had finally finished, I walked in a happy daze back to the common room to find Hermione waiting for me. "Oh Hermione" I gushed "I won I really won" "Wow well done Beck although" she said "What" I asked finally sick of talking "Why did you accept your award looking like that" she asked.  
  
I looked down at myself and realised I was wearing Pyjamas, my hair was a big frizz, Mascara was smeared on my face and I was wearing sheep slippers. DAMN! I laughed that is just so ME!  
  
End of chapter 8 


	9. 3 Couples 2 fights and a Yule ball

Chapter 9  
  
3 Couples, 2 fights, and a Yule Ball.  
  
Well Christmas is coming, a time of festive activities, pleasures, presents and snow. Ferns, trees, ferntrees, wow the fun the joy, the FOOD! oh, Lord, lordy lord I can't wait, now on to more important things such as the Yule ball I shall be attending a weeks time with.........wait for it........yes........wait........keep on waiting.........wait.......hang on...(Woah OK put that chair down i'll tell you)....with SEVERUS SNAPE!!!! yes you read me correctly, Sevi Snape, Snape DI Sev, Severussy Snapey hahahahaa woo! i've never been so excited in my life, well apart from the time I thought I saw Mick Jagger walking down street, but when I got closer it was really just some Nomad with a huge gob and long hair.  
  
You guys remember the envelope I so graciously accepted the other month, well guess what it contained.....Nah forget it I'll just tell you, it reads thus...  
  
An Invitation to party!  
  
For  
  
Rebecca Wendell & Severus Snape  
  
To attend the Hogwarts Yule Ball  
  
Christmas eve December 24th  
  
Formal wear required  
  
VIP PASS  
  
Must attend together  
  
(NO EXCUSES, THAT MEANS YOU SNAPE)  
  
Have a lovely time.  
  
Rather cool if I say so myself, I don't know how you would react, but IM off living high up in the clouds on cloud 8 as cloud 9 isn't big enough for my happiness, oh I can't wait I'll be able to wear my robe the one from Diagon, oh wow.......wait what will Snape do somehow I don't think he's going to be too happy about this...hehehe I don't think he really gets a say in the matter, HA! he really thinks he has free will....Yeah right.  
  
Now for what you have missed in the last month since you last saw me in my pyjamas accepting an award....  
  
I am going to the Yule ball with Snape  
  
I have dyed my hair blonde (hope it doesn't make me a dumb blonde)  
  
I have avoided SNAPE at all costs, except for lessons where he doesn't speak or talk to me (Wonder if he knows)  
  
I have released Emily from her spell and she is a changed girl (shocking really)  
  
Emily's boyfriend is a ghost!  
  
His name is BEEFY for Gods sake  
  
Dumbledore has appeared for the first time since the talent contest and goes around in a permanent good mood  
  
Same for Professor McGonnagal (I smell a chicken, don't you)  
  
And Ginny Weasley has been acting extremely strange, (wonder what's up with her although it is none of my business)......I think I'll make it my business actually.  
  
As I said before Emily is a changed girlfriend, I am no longer the best friend of a stalker but of a friendly girl who lets me go and do stuff on my own and I ask for no more than that, well that and a new Pair of sunglasses at Christmas, and a present on my birthday and a odd Easter egg and a few bars of chocolate and my stout.  
  
It appears as if she is going to the Yule Ball with this Beefy even though another bloke has been mooning after her....his name is Graham Brooks, to me he's a complete and utter nonce, I mean he is so sad, why would you like that I mean all he is, is Quidditch champ, star Athlete, with spiky dark hair and huge muscles, and has fit legs, I mean that is nothing he probably can't string a sentence together and probably has more trouble talking than Rio Ferdinand or Gareth Gates (moose boy). Definitely not my type and besides he's to young!  
  
I have a week until the Yule Ball.... a week, a week to get ready......I don't think it's long enough really, IM a girl, you know how long a girl hogs the bathroom for and its an important occasion, I need at least a month but what you gonna do.  
  
First item on my list  
  
Clothes.  
  
A fairly easy job, I mean I know what IM wearing already, the robe from Madame Malkins, but it needs accessories, shoes, I have some green high heals actually God knows how well I can walk in them......I don't think I can. A bag, I'll take this little black clutch bag, I can fit...............absolutely nothing in it .....Perfect!  
  
Hair  
  
How to style my bottle head, I think braids what about you..... No Not little miss Muffet braids or rag doll style, I mean properly braided to your head, the sort you see the stars having done, such as Nicole Kidman, Cameron Diaz and ermmm David Beckham!  
  
Make up  
  
I'll do that myself, don't let anybody within 50 feet of me with makeup brushes, if I wanted to look like something out of Rocky Horror then I would ask, no way I'll do it myself.  
  
Those were the minor things now on to the big things only 5 days left (time passes awfully quick in this story doesn't it).  
  
My song for the dance.  
  
Doesn't even need thought definitely 'Something about the way you look tonight' by Elton, oh it makes me want to burst out into mad song.......AND I CAN'T EXPLAIN, BUT THERES SOMETHING ABOUT THE WAY YOU LOOK TONIGHT see IM off already and I only mentioned its title.  
  
My presents for my parents as if I have forgotten about them in my mad search for huge novelty earrings they need gifts......right...em...let me see, what have I got in my trunk........hahahaha perfect.  
  
Dad- I have a couple of pairs of socks and a pair of ear muffs, he'll need them when he's washing the car in the snow.....(seriously he does)  
  
Mum- An Air freshener for that stupid MG Midget of hers, its really a stupid car, and a top of mine she can't keep her greasy mitts off, I like how she's always dressed in my clothes she is an old sheep dressed like a what do you call it ........ah that's the one.....young sheep. I think this hair is making me a bit stupid.  
  
Brother- ermmm well, this erm...old whistle will do, he'll only break it playing footie with it any way.  
  
3 days left, where the hell is the time going it passes quicker than in films.  
  
You may have noticed I haven't been to see Snape to be honest, IM scared I don't know what to say o him, Oh Hi Professor, how's it going, by the way I hope its okay that were going on a date to the Yule Ball, and I don't suppose you really have a say in the matter.......that will be a nice conversation won't it, well IM not gonna say.......oh sod it, I'll just say it he hasn't really got a choice in the matter IM telling the truth.  
  
Okay, IM going, up the stairs, down the corridor, walk past Harry Potter looking pained, or is that his normal expression you really can't tell nowadays, as he supposedly has so much to do, such as saving the world and all that.  
  
OK, IM walking, IM walking, IM slowing, IM lost, IM Pathetic!, in my worry I have ended up in the great hall, oh dear wait, Snape's here stood in the middle of the room on his Billy (alone). I walked up behind him and tapped him on his shoulder.  
  
"ER Professor", I said.  
  
He must have jumped a mile in the air, I've never seen anybody move so fast, you can tell he was once a trained deatheater can't you.  
  
"Erm Professor" I began  
  
"Miss Wendell please never do that again, creeping around the castle, is not necessary, and neither is disturbing me" he shouted.  
  
"Erm yes it is sir" I replied  
  
"I beg your pardon" he glared  
  
"Sir I was wondering just about the Yule ball" I asked.  
  
"Yes Miss Wendell, I am aware of the situation that you and I are in, and I supposedly have no choice, in going now after that stunt you pulled, I am glad that I cannot really remember it, otherwise your punishment would have been worse than being with me for the evening", he said "Now leave my sight".  
  
For once I did as I was told and left him alone, I sure as hell feel extremely guilty about what I have done now, from now on I'll play by the book...........MY BOOK HA!.  
  
The Yule Ball  
  
The day has arrived, the day has come, the day before Christmas and all through the castle, wow, I hope I get some good pressies this year, not like last year, I really think that an entire selection of different coloured teapots are absolutely useless, IM using them to prop my mirror up on my desk. During my extremely short period of guilt, I bought Snape a present, it is a kitchen witch!, actually IM not even sure he has a kitchen but he can hang it from one of his 4 posts, I reckon he will be pleased, how about you....  
  
I have assessed the couples for the do, they stand as thus....  
  
Me-Snape (hehe)  
  
Hermione- Ron  
  
Ginny- Sirius Black (i think i know something)  
  
Emily- Beefy (the odd couple)  
  
Graham Tudor- Ann Winters (i don't think that's the right season some how)  
  
Dumbledore- McGonnagal.  
  
Hagrid- ?  
  
Remus Lupin- and hahaha ahaa, oh ahaaa Professor Trelawney- (is he desperate, i bet she predicted it)  
  
IM not really sure of the status of the rest of the school, but i can guarantee as with the people i know it will be extremely absurd. Christmas day at Hogwarts is an all out extravaganza, money is no object because money doesn't really apply in Hogwarts. This year, due to the Yule ball there is no main dinner, only a little (well probably large) lunch, there is a meal set up at the ball. I haven't seen the Main hall but i reckon it will be fabby, fab, fab, don't you?  
  
Dressing Routine.  
  
Okay it is 1.00pm, and time to start getting ready, i really don't think seven hours is long enough, but its going to have to do, it takes time to look as gorgeous as i am going to have to, to impress anybody at all.  
  
Hair!!  
  
Murder on a bad day, gorgeous on a good day, but its better than being bald, I mean not that there's anything wrong with being bald or that............OH! never mind, I'll just shut my big mouth.  
  
Braiding, IM braiding, my arms are aching, arms are aching, fingers hurting, ribbons falling, hair annoying AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH!!!!Shoot me, dispose of me or my hair something, i suck, IM gonna look an idiot and really stupid, and i need anti depressants..................Chocolate really is the answer to all life's little problems, i now have Emily attacking me hair, and to be honest its not half bad, i have copper braids and green ribbons not bad, not bad at all.  
  
Nails  
  
Okay, i know IM pretty good with nails but i have zapped in a nail artist to give me a heads up, well a nails up, IM going for green with a flash of silver glitter, Slytherin colours to impress Snape.......yeah that's gonna happen.  
  
  
  
Makeup  
  
As i said before, nobody else touches my face to do my make up, so i have settled for the few minor necessities.......Conceler stick, Conceler, Powder, blusher, Eye shadow, eye liner, mascara x2, lipliner, lipstick and lip gloss, a squirt of perfume and some glitter, the bare necessities.  
  
Coming on for 5.00pm now, yep no time is good time, a stitch in time saves nine, yeah Right, time is passing ridiculously, it flies when you are struggling aimlessly to make yourself look good.  
  
Putting on my clothes.......owwwwww!!!, hair owww caught in zip owwwwwww, ahhh relief was a little caught up in myself there for a minute, have you ever had the feeling of complete sickness down from your head to your feet, your stomach being the worst and to go and throw up in a bush somewhere would be the greatest relief in the world, well I have that right now, i think it's nerves or that cherry pie i ate at lunch time, cherries are terrible for me....I think i take some pills because i don't want another projectile vomiting attack on Snape.  
  
The entrance hall was a swell sight, i mean erm, it was cool, the four Christmas trees hung above me decorated with small amounts of snow sprinkled atop of then, I noticed that the Christmas baubles sang Christmas carols, and the armour sang inappropriate versions of them after wards.  
  
The hall held a collection of students waiting for their various partners, a few had a slight green tinge hanging around their faces, I am never touching cherry pie again.  
  
Harry Potter was sat in the corner looking gloomy, Jesus you'd think that one night of the year Christmas even he'd crack a face, if he smiled more he might not be so miserable, I mean come on all he has to do is throw a few spells and evade a snake guy, i could do that in my sleep.  
  
I wonder where Snape is he really is taking his time, you'd think he didn't want to come wouldn't you. I can see Ron over the other side of the hall, and for once he is not in maroon, he's in mauve, it's really not that much better, oh and there's Professor Trelawney, she is in bright green with glitter and dimante spectacles, she looks like an over sized dragon fly going to the Oscars.  
  
Right IM going in, he can meet me inside, IM a free independent, strong, wilful woman, I can walk into the dance alone, completely…………….urge! nope uh huh, no IM not going in alone, it's full of dancing couples ice sculptures and a partridge in a pear tree,…hey IM not kidding.  
  
"Miss Wendell if you can please stop blocking the doorway and be so kind as to MOVE"!   
  
"Aaaarggh!" I shouted, and cockled over. I turned with great difficulty and looked up into Snape's face, his long hair resting lightly on his shoulders. A long, oh my God is that Navy blue, robe covering his body, shame the face didn't match the outfit, he wore a I'd rather be anywhere in the world, tending to elephants and wild viscous dragons than be stood looking at you expression.  
  
"Well Miss Wendell, it's your fault IM here so shall we go……….What is that God awful racket" he asked suddenly looking alarmed. I up to that point had zoned out all the noise and conversation the moment he had spoken to me, looking around I heard the most terrible singing ever, and discovered the voices owner to be Hermione Granger, Hermione may be clever and good in all Academic subjects, but finally hearing her sing may the glass in the window sing a lot louder and in protest, If Celine Dion was dead she would be spinning Twilight style in her grave.  
  
"My HEART will go ONNN and ONNNNN!!!" she screeched, I think she may have raised the Titanic.  
  
"It appears as if it is Hermione Grangers to Celine Dion sir" I replied.  
  
"Who?" he asked.  
  
"Never mind, I said, I wasn't aware there was going to be a Karaoke".  
  
"A who and a Kara what?" he asked persistently.  
  
" Celine Dion and a Karaoke, a muggle singing thingy, were you pretend you can sing and annoy the hell out of everybody for three minutes" I replied slightly irritated by the whole twenty questions act from a man who hardly ever spoke to me at all.  
  
He just looked at me and grabbed my arm slightly roughly OMG, and walked me into the hall to be greeted by silence as Hermione's song finished and everyone turned to look at us, complete shock and in some peoples cases DISGUST written like a dirty great water mark across their faces.  
  
"Wanna Picture buy a Kodak" I said really loudly to the staring crowd, one boy had a piece of pork chop half way up to his mouth and didn't seem to notice the slow trickle of gravy making a puddle on his lap.  
  
Slowly the band struck up a tune and people turned away from us, I looked up at Snape he seemed completely unfazed by this reaction, you'd think people looked at him in repulse everyday of the week, come to think of it………………..they probably do.  
  
"If you'll excuse Miss Wendell, I must address the headmaster" Snape said and walked off in the other direction leaving me stood alone in the room.   
  
I shall mingle, wandering around the room people do not want to mingle with me, they are all to busy being with people, well I never, Im not having none of this, Snape has been gone nearly half an hour, I mean I know he talks but this is ridiculous.  
  
"RIGHT" I said aloud and stomped up to the stage where the karaoke was currently being used by a first year singing S Club 7.  
  
"Reach for the stars" I said in a classic cowboy accent to her………so she does.  
  
"Reach for the stars, climb every mountain high and Reach for the stars" She sang quite happily.  
  
OHHH Never! Stupid S Club, "I mean get off" I said with a scary look on my face. She jumped and said "please lady don't take me back to the insane asylum with you, have it have it" and ran off the stage, I wonder why she thinks im crazy?  
  
Turning to the band I looked at them…………………..HIT IT BOYS!………………….still looking back at me……………erm Play the song boys………..still looking at me Spieled mien Songen ………….still looking…………Jouer ma chanson…… Sprechen sie Englisch….  
  
"Look lady what song do you want" one of them said after a while……. Looking exasperated, I turned and whispered it to them. They nodded and struck up the tune.  
  
I was sitting in the classroom,   
  
Trying to look intelligent.  
  
Incas, the teacher looked at me.  
  
He was long and he was lean   
  
He's a middle-aged dream  
  
and the guy, he means the whole world   
  
To me.  
  
It's a natural achievement, conquering my homework  
  
With his Image pounding in my brain.  
  
He's an inspiration, for my Graduation.  
  
And he helps to keep the classroom sane.  
  
(By now everybody was looking at my including Snape, all of the teachers looking slightly puzzled except for Dumbledore who was smiling)  
  
Oh Teacher I need you, like a little child (point at Snape)  
  
You got something in you to drive a school girl wild.  
  
You gave me education in the lovesick blues.  
  
Help me get straight, come out and say.  
  
Teacher I teacher I teacher I need you.  
  
Awoahhhhhhooohhhhh, awoahhhhhhohhhh.  
  
(Boogying about I notice a confrontation between Potter and Malfoy, No way are they ruining my number)  
  
Oh Teacher I need you, like a little child (point at Snape)  
  
You got something in you to drive a school girl wild.  
  
You gave me education in the lovesick blues.  
  
Help me get straight, come out and say.  
  
Teacher I teacher I…………. ( they started to fight right in the middle of my Finale, Malfoy had hold of Potter in a head lock, and people were ignoring me, now normally I would be rooting Malfoy but…………. Guys Respect)  
  
What you want!  
  
Baby I got it!  
  
What you need  
  
You Know I got   
  
All im asking   
  
Is a little   
  
RESPECT!!  
  
(just a little bit)  
  
Hey YOU GUYS  
  
Just a little bit  
  
A LITTLE RESPECT  
  
Potter, Malfoy,   
  
Just a little bit.  
  
Stop It you guys.  
  
Just a little bit.  
  
R. E. S. P. E. C. T!!!!  
  
Find out what it means to me.  
  
RESPECT take it PECT!  
  
Sock it to him Sock it to him Sock it to him LATER Malfoy.  
  
Just a little bit  
  
Hey baby Just a little bit.  
  
RESPECT!  
  
  
  
Haha that's stopped them, now they are taking it outside away from everybody else. Stepping down the stage I find Snape waiting for me, my song may have worked.  
  
"Miss Wendell, that was interesting, a interesting method to be exact, stopping a fight without points or a detention, you did I dare say quite well, with your attention seeking method" he said.  
  
Attention seeking method, what's that supposed to mean I never seek attention.  
  
He turned and walked off. "HEY" I shouted after him.  
  
He looked at me "Pardon", he replied.  
  
"Yeah, are you going to ignore me all night, like an old turnip", I said.  
  
Looking at me he nodded slightly.  
  
"Uh Huh, no way, you know brother I ain't having none of it, this old turnip is off back to the farm because the old granddad doesn't Wanna eat her (strange analogy I know) If the granddad wants the turnip back he better ditch the carrot" I said and turned and stormed out of the hall quite aware of the fact that my heel on my shoe was clicking in an alarming way, I turned and gave him a contemptuous look before spinning and……………………falling over a chair. 


	10. A letter and an apology

Chapter 10 An Apology (hahaha!) and a letter.  
  
Stupid chair, Stupid Snape, Stupid Snape chair, I can't believe I fell over a chair, in the middle of my whole miss Independent act. Of course I Fell over why not it just rounds my perfect evening to a complete grinding miserable halt! So where do you go when you've lost your date and the weight of the world has got you down, so I don't Wanna go where everybody knows my name, and their not glad that I came, I don't Wanna go where everybody knows my name....which means......the CHEERS bar is OUT!  
  
The grounds, I think I'll walk romantically around the grounds, nursing my broken heart and .....bum. The grounds where a beautiful sight, all blue and green, a light dusting of snow covered the paths giving it a white (and in some areas yellow) appearance.  
  
The great stone benches circled an open area where a Christmas fountain stood, wine (well it looked like it but from experience I know it isn't after an unfortunate drunk accident last year.)   
  
Sitting down, I could hear the odd bush giggling, and I knew it wasn't the bush laughing. For once I began to feel slightly upset, like down and depressed, my dress wasted, my time wasted, my life wasted, I suddenly realised that I was crying, I was sitting alone in the grounds crying over a man who I wanted just for a project, he was a project none of my other projects made me cry, well If you don't count the guy who stunk of onions.  
  
"Miss Wendell what ever is the matter" said a voice. In my own pathetic misery, I had failed to notice Professor McGonnagal walking towards me, she was dressed all in tartan with her hair in little pigtails, she looked like heidi, sniffing I looked into her eyes she actually seemed concerned.  
  
"Nothing, just" I replied,   
  
"Don't tell me I know, ohh he'll pay for this one" she said and left the clearing, I sat their looking puzzled for a moment until I heard.  
  
"Ouch, oww, what have I done, ow, left go, stop it meanie"  
  
I looked over to see Professor McGonnagal dragging somebody through the clearing, someone with black hair, it was..............Professor......Black? I finished puzzled.  
  
"Right I have him Rebecca you tell him now how upset you are with him" McGonnagal said.  
  
I just looked, "erm Professor, wrong guy" I said she looked at me for a moment "Och aye" she said and let Sirius go, he ran away giving me a nervous look.  
  
"OWWWWWW!!, You, LET ME GO OWWW!" I heard again, I hope she's got the right one this time.  
  
Yes it was Snape.  
  
"Now Snape you will apologise to this girl, and I will be over hear watching you with my handbag ok" she said and cracked him over the head with her Tartan handbag  
  
"Ow" was his reply, I wiped my eyes and looked at him staring down at me with his vortex eyes.  
  
"Miss Wendell" he began "what can I say"  
  
"Tell her your Sorry!" McGonnagal chipped in.  
  
"I know Professor it's a figure of speech" Snape said. McGonnagal waved her handbag threateningly and Snape flinched.  
  
"I apologise Miss Wendell, I had an obligation and I didn't stick to it" he said  
  
"Obligation" I replied, McGonnagal bared her teeth and waved her bag.  
  
"Well not an obligation as such" he said hurriedly, "But oh!, Sorry". With that he turned on his heel and left the clearing. Well I never Snape actually in a sense of the word apologised to me, Haha SUCKER!  
  
"Right now Miss Wendell, are you OK now" McGonnagal asked.  
  
"As well as can be expected (after you have fallen over a chair)" I replied.  
  
"Well I must return to Dumbledore" she said grinning, and walked out of the clearing leaving me alone, it must be getting on Midnight by now, I think I'll go to bed.  
  
I left the clearing and was just turning the corner when I heard a declaration of  
  
"OH MAN, A FOUNTAIN OF WINE", and the chink of glasses, I hope they have a toilet nearby, is all I can say.  
  
Christmas Morning  
  
Hahahahahahahahahaha! GOOD MORNING! Baby Jesus, It is Christmas day, and I have presents, lots and lots of presents..........ohhh a scarf nice one grandma, not as if I needed yet another one, HM red this year.....a cup from Emily, saying worlds best friend.....of course........Mum, dad....AHHH! Beast!, a new writing pad and a Elton CD....and a large assortment of sweets, fruit and for some strange reason a ...stack of......sandwiches.  
  
I am going to wear my Christmas best....ribbons, glitter, Christmas earrings, and my favourite singing tinsel in my hair.  
  
Breakfast, breakfast, of to breakfast for my.....well.....breakfast, the great hall had been changed since the evening, the ice sculptures had been cleared away and the Christmas tree moved to the far end of the hall, the house tables where out and the hall was relatively busy......no....Snape thank God, McGonnagal gave me a wink from the staff table and I smiled back sitting down at the table and picking up the plate of steak...ha...steak nice one for breakfast.  
  
A sound of wings and windows opening emitted around me, owl post time, I'll get my usual amount of mail which is .................none.  
  
Aarrghh! What's that, oh wait I think it may be a letter, wow a letter for me, God this is one of the best weeks ever.  
  
I flipped over the heavy parchment letter glancing at the seal...woah..that is grandma Wendell's crest, a large peace sign covered by a giant top hat, now you should know something about my grandma, she is erm...how to put it...erm...different.  
  
Not in a bad way, well I don't think, she's the sort of person who when you go around Diagon Alley with her, she points things and people out and then declares a comment loudly about them, then solves the problem in the only way she knows how.......top hats......please I beg of you not to ask, she is the original slag, to put it bluntly, she was one hell of a slapper in her day and I have reason to believe she still is, (on the quiet) although she is married to my granddad who is an insurance salesman, she actually left the man she was married too before, for my granddad, when she told her ex husband she was running off with an insurance salesman he said  
  
"Is it an act of God" and laughed until he fell off his chair. That was one of the most amusing things he ever said, now all he makes is sarcastic comments....by the way did I neglect to mention my grans ex husband was Jack Dee.  
  
My letter reads thus....  
  
Dear Becky (yakky I hate being called that),  
  
How's life, still swinging I hope, been out clubbing with madge this week down Beverly road, pulled a PE teacher in MainBrace, shocked him when I told him my real age..hahaha. How's Hogwarts, still rocking, how's that Dishy headmaster, does he still have my top hat I made for him? What's that school doing now, still the same rubbish, especially that potions master, God he walks around like an Irish dancer, (has a stick up his backside) For God's sake Becky don't ever marry, go out with, or even consider somebody like that.  
  
Any road, no need it messing about, fancy meeting me for a drink in the three broomsticks in a couple of days, say Tuesday, we'll have a laugh, and I can talk to you about the last few months, by the way did you know your brother has been caught with some lass and got her up the Duff, Haha and I don't mean the beer in the Simpsons.  
  
See you Love the milk man is knocking on the door time to pay for my milk.  
  
See you Tuesday   
  
love Granny Wendell.  
  
Oh heck she's not going to like what I have to tell her, I better start getting myself together, yikes Granny has eyes like a hawk, she'll know something's up. Right I'd better go and see McGonnagal about Tuesday....you'll laugh when you meet granny. 


	11. Granny Wendell and the Device

Chapter 11 Grandma Wendell  
  
Right today is Tuesday meaning the day I have to go and meet granny in Hogsmeade, aren't I lucky she is going to hate it when she finds out im after Snape.  
  
Snape by the way has been AWOL over Christmas I have not seen hide nor hair of him since Christmas eve when he stormed away from me in the rose garden, he hasn't been attending meals and has not been any where in the castle for me to speak too, I even headed up to his chambers and peered in using my binoculars from the tree outside and he wasn't even there, and I fell out and ripped my dress on a branch and landed on my bum, I haven't been able to sit down at all. Right so red scarf on from granny at Christmas, robes, gloves and .........top hat.....i have no choice not with Granny.  
  
Hogsmeade isn't too bad of a walk away, its just past the gates and up the road, God it's freezing today, getting dragged out in sub arctic conditions to visit my grandma who will be sat in a pub laughing at the thought of me tramping through the snow.......God I hate snow, gets every where, in the cracks.  
  
The three broomsticks is a small crowded pub on the main Hogsmeade road, the bar is tended by Madame Rosemata, (huh) I don't like her, she just uses men, picks them almost like a project, gets them and leaves them, its disgusting, who in their right mind would do that?.  
  
"Becky, hi, what can I get you" Rosemata called to me in her sickly sweet voice (urrgh). Since when did I give her the permission to call me Becky, she's always after the men I like. She's like somebody else I know, Do you remember Ann Winters, yeah that silly cow, she's got it in for my love life I swear, I mean I can pick a cute and sweet lad and try my best to win him over and in she comes swishing her little hips and sticking her big boobs in their faces and suddenly who's Rebecca? In some cases all she has to do is look, or open her vindictive gob to start a shouting match, or to tell some make believe story about her family...sure it's okay for her to make them all sound like psycho maniacs, but when somebody else says anything its, RACIST.  
  
I have picked some of the most unobvious guys ever and still she charms them without meaning too, when you think about if they have too pick between an ordinary intellectual and I may often say amusing girl, and a half Italian supermodel......I'm sure they all want me......NOT.  
  
"Vodka tonic, don't skimp on the rocks", I said smiling.  
  
"Coke then" she replied  
  
Smiling quite sickly at her I sat down in a booth at the back of the room and watched the door, over the heads of the weird...can't quite describe them...sort of people in the room.   
  
Madame Rosemata dropped my coke on the table in front of me I ignored her.  
  
"Honey what's all this what's going on here" I winced and looked up, at the other side of the pub I could see a large purple top hat and a huge pair of glasses perched upon a head of curly orange locks, Ladies Gentlemen and warthogs meet my grandma. She appeared to be gesturing at a man wearing a yellow and green balaclava, at least I think it was it may have been his ..erm..face.  
  
"Granny", I shouted trying to deter her away from the poor offended man.  
  
"Rebecca, honey, the hat I love it, designer" she said wading her way through tables knocking people towards their drinks and friends.  
  
"Oh yes Dolce and Gabbana" I replied...well actually it was on sale at ASDA for £5.99, you have to say these things to keep my granny off your back.  
  
"So how are you, still gorgeous I see" granny said (she is very complimentary)  
  
"How's that young man of yours" she asked (thinking quickly)   
  
"Erm he erm he went well he er died! Yeah that's right he died" I replied (don't ask, too long of a story).  
  
"so who's next" she went on, I think she knows me to well, either that or she is me with grey hair and a beard.  
  
" Look granny if I tell you, you can't tell anyone, (not that she needs too I think everybody knows already), I mean you can't get mad or throw me out the window like you did my brother when you found out about Estelle (incoherent mumbling from granny) so I ask you to stay calm when I say that I am after Professor Severus Snape potions teacher of Hogwarts castle" I finished and watched Granny.........watching.....waiting......wondering......Granny is not moving......she is staring at me........she is reaching in her bag......taking out a temperature gauge....coming towards me.....sticking it in my mouth.....takes it out of mouth......sits there and looks....and ...hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!! (oh dear you better give her an hour) hahahahhahahahahahaaha.  
  
Two hours later  
  
Hahahahahahahahahaha.................i some how think that Granny thinks I am kidding, im not.  
  
"Granny Stop" I shouted  
  
Hahaha "Sorry" she said looking serious again "Snape seriously darling, honest to God, iv'e heard he has never had a bath, at all"  
  
"Well I don't know granny all I know is that I love him, oh MY GOD (did I just say that)" I said.  
  
"Granny looked at me a bit funny, then reached in her handbag again she better not be getting the thermometer out again no she's not. Granny handed a small black device over to me, no bigger than a beetle.  
  
"What is it Granny" I asked holding it and poking at it with my fingers, she then handed me another small set of headphones, now im confused.  
  
"Its a bug" she said  
  
"No its not its a metal box" I replied  
  
"No its a bugging device, you know like James Bond, you can put it on Snape using magic might I add, I don't rate your success doing it manually, and you will know where he is all the time and can hear him and spy on him using the mirror and head set I just gave you,...don't expect anything for your birthday" she added at the end of her little speech. I was speechless.  
  
"Granny where did you get it from" I asked puzzled  
  
"I don't know" she replied " Some guy in Diagon Alley, with a bag of spaghetti sauce at his feet, you know looked like Al Pachino on a bad day".  
  
Ah I might have guessed.  
  
So im back in my room, I left Granny at the pub chatting up an old man, I know have this electronic tracking device which is supposed to work inside of Hogwarts it better do, im going to try it now, why not im not doing anything, okay so the spell Granny gave me.  
  
Deviceus onus Snapeus, oh very clever Granny, right okay.  
  
"Deviceus onus Snapeus!!!"  
  
The little black box disappeared from my hand, I placed the headphones on my head and listened, glancing in my mirror.  
  
A restaurant stood in the glass, Snape was sat at a table he was shouting at an elfy man asking for more turnip, aww that's my boy always eats his vegetables....wait I want to be his lover not his mother...hehe better be careful with what I say. There is a man coming over and sitting down, I can't see his face, its blurred in my mirror, maybe something to do with this stupid device, they are talking and rubbing their arms, I can't really tell, wait the glass is going fuzzy...damn its gone off, I better try it later after all it is nearly bed time, I think I'll get an early night.  
  
During the night.  
  
"No Master No arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH" I woke up screaming the shouts the begging in my head was too much, im going crazy oh ohh the sounds the noise its.....coming from my head phones I must have fell asleep wearing them, someone was screaming it sounded like Snape oh God. I grabbed my mirror, looking in it I could just make out Snape's form laid on the floor, but where where, wait, that's the green house, I think he's in the grounds.  
  
I didn't think from that moment I just ran, I ran through the corridors, down the stairs along the third floor and down to the entrance hall....YES!! (I didn't get lost). I ran out into the night, the wind whipping my hair, my feet slipping on the muddy snow. COORR it's cold out here, but im coming my love, the green houses came into view.  
  
I spotted Snape's thin figure by a tree, tears came to my eyes as I reached him, he was whiter than usual.  
  
Oh what do I do what oh God hang on ermm.  
  
ACCIO MADAME POMFREY oh bad idea she has appeared Infront of me rather angry looking, before she could hit me I shouted.  
  
"Snape"   
  
She saw him and went into nurse mode making him disappear Infront of my eyes.  
  
"Get back to the castle, I will see Dumbledore, please go back to your dormitory Professor McGonnagal will be informed.  
  
With that she disappeared leaving me alone in the grounds I was left alone and wondering, alone again as I have been all this long, four months (well not as depressing as all year). 


	12. New Years Piss up

Chapter 12  
  
Arrgghhh!!, Monkeys!, I shouted slapping my face, I had woken up in my own bed, dreaming of Monkeys AGAIN, it didn't matter what had happened the night before I always dream of Monkeys. After Madame Pomfrey had taken Snape away from me last night, I went back to bed, it was the only thing I could think of doing in that situation, I really, really, really, really wanted to go to the hospital wing, but McGonagall told me not to, infact she pretty much begged me not to go last night, another thing which puzzled her, was how I knew Snape would be out there last night. When she asked that I thought for a long time....well...2 seconds and just said I had a vision, stupid...stupid...stupid, now she thinks I'm psychic, really im just electronically equipped.....I couldn't tell her that.  
  
Ok what the hell am I doing, Snape wasn't at breakfast, nor was he in potions, after that I believe drastic action had to be taken... so now I find myself walking....well shuffling with nerves, towards the hospital wing, OH God what will he say when he sees me, what if he goes mad.....well....that's never stopped me before has it.

But don't worry I have a plan; I am planning to woo Snape with my cleverness and erm...my ability to purchase gifts. The hospital wing is still rather festive even though Christmas is over, it may be over but New Year has not set it yet, New Year means I can get completely wreaked with erm...very weak punch. "Madame Pomfrey" I said, looking at the oldish woman asleep in her chair, she didn't respond, I hope she hasn't died...oh well never mind, it's better she is asleep then she can't send me away to quickly...oh no he's over there. Professor Snape was asleep quietly in the furthest bed, his sheets slowly rising and falling, over his strong torso; his hair lay voluptuously on the pillow, his long lashes fluttering lightly...hey that's good stuff, I should be a cheesy romance novelist with an evocative name like....Rebecca WendellStorm...ok I'll work on the name later.  
  
"Professor" I say lightly as I lean over him, he smells dead nice "Professor" I say slightly louder........hmmm..........................................................................................

"PROFESSOR!" Snape jumped a mile in the air, and hit his head on a chandelier.....oops!

"MISS WENDELL WHAT DO YOU WANT" Snape shouted rubbing his head where he hit it; I didn't fail to notice a couple of the cheap glass gems in his hair. Ok taking my plan of action into hand,

I presented my well thought out present too my project. "For you Professor" I said. "What the hell are you thinking" Snape replied. Hmm, not the desired result I had planned, he really does not seem pleased with my MR BRAINS four pork faggots snack box.

"What in God's name is a Faggot" Snape asked looking at me quite fearfully.

"It's a...well...im not sure but they always made me laugh when I saw them in a shop" I replied cheerfully.

"I don't laugh Miss Wendell, Furthermore, I don't know what your doing here, I find it very intrusive to know that you actually know where I am" Snape said to me swinging his legs off the bed, standing up and falling back down again, rubbing his head, the gems fell out.

"I, I, erm, I found you, last night in the castle grounds, you were just laid on the floor, I called Madame Pomfrey and had you brought up here" I said hurriedly so he couldn't hit me, it certainly looked that way. Snape stared at me for a moment then stood up again.

"How did you find me" he asked slowly.

"Was just walking" I replied quickly. Snape continued to look at me,

"well" he said... "I thank you for saving me sort of, I suppose I am not too fond of lying on the ground" he said, I smiled, he noticed.

"Furthermore....DETENTION! for wandering around after lights out" he shouted and stormed out of the room heading for his chambers.

"New Years Eve" he shouted as he turned a corner,

"Seven pm".

Damn! no wait detention is good more time with Snape, hahahaha, he said thank you, I bet he really fancies me...I didn't fail to notice he took his faggots with him.  
  
NEW YEARS EVE  
  
3, 2, 1, it is Lunch time on New Years Eve, that means I can start drinking....hooray, what can I start with.... Hmm Vodka and coke I think. The Gryffindor Common room was empty, most of the students had gone to visit their parents, mine had gone away to France with my brother who was off Muggle School, so I couldn't go home; also I have my detention with Snape. As I sip my Vodka, an owl comes through the window, ick! at least it's not Clover horrid thing. Oh Note from Granny

Dear Becky.

Upon more thought of you and your eh hem, conquest, I have decided to send you something to help you along, and don't worry I don't want repaying for it, it got it in your size use it wisely.  
Love YA Granny xxx.

Sounds interesting, oh it might be an invisibility cloak or something really cool, the wrapping is red, I begin to pull at it when the portrait door opens.....oh nice one Harry Potter and chums.

"Hello Harry, Ron, hiya Hermione" I shout as they sit down in deep discussion completely ignoring me...charming!

"Hello am I talking to myself here, what are you ignoring me for" I shout again, they look up at me slightly annoyed.

"Hello" they all shout at once, Nice! Ignoring them back, I finish off opening up my present, and....OH MY GOD! Even Potter looked up then. My Granny has sent me underwear.....not just Mr Men underwear or anything like that...proper Ann Summers wear, I mean, it is fake fur, leopard skin, with pink ribbons and pink fur....yikes....and I'll have to wear it. Glancing up I see the trio looking at me.

"My Boyfriend cares" I say to them, well mainly to Ron's pink ears, Hermione's shocked face and Harry's usual mournful expression. Downing my drink I pour another one, im going to need lots of it to keep my going through today and having to wear that.  
  
Six hours and 3 Vodkas, 4 WKD's, 6 Lagers and a glass of wine later.  
  
"Britney Spears Rules"! I shout dancing on the table. I am so wreaked it's not funny, hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. WOOOOO!!! Detention with Snape, nice one, im wearing my special underwear for it...You never know Because Snape fancies me and all that. Corridor.....woo...im pissed and I can still find my way down to the dungeons.....

"Oh Professor Dumbledore" I shout as I see the white beard, "I love you", kissing Dumbledore.....umm...he doesn't taste right......Dumbledore........ (Taps Dumbledore discovers that it is a statue I am kissing) best snog ever!  
  
Dungeons. Wow Dungeons are dark, dark like... the dark....haha. Im so drunk. "Miss Wendell" Snape says as he answers the door,

"on time for once" I look at him; don't know why he is wearing pink??

"Sevvi" I reply, I can see him scowling.

"Sit down Miss Wendell" he says, and puts me in a chair.

"You know I have a name", I slur "It's Robert...no wait that's my uncle...haha....I can't remember my name". "Are you drunk Miss Wendell" Snape asks. "NOOOOOO!" I shout....then grab his arm and pull him close to me

"I'll tell you a secret sir! I am so DRUNK" haha. Snape pulls away disgusted. "I am disgusted" he shouts, he also shouts some other stuff; I can't hear him as im kicking the desk. "You know what sir, I love you" haha that shut him up.

"I Beg your pardon Miss Wendell" Snape replied.

"Yeh you heard me I LOVE YOU" I said again, he just looked at me, right im not missing my chance. With that I grab him around his neck and pull him close to me and kiss him on the lips really hard and desperately.........and......blackness.  
  
The Next morning. Woke up with my head in a cauldron, it appears as if I have been sick.....never drinking again ...what did I do last night....it must have been good I don't remember a thing.


End file.
